You Have No Idea How Much I Actually Miss You
But that doesn’t matter now. You no longer exist. Only inside my head. Just a faded memory that arises far too often. I hate you. I hate that you fucked us up. I loved you. I was in love with you. I wanted everything with you. But everything else was so much more important than us. I’m sorry. I wasn’t happy being alone in the relationship. It is over now and that was my doing. That doesn’t mean that this is what I wanted. -__-
I wish i truly didnt care. At least half as much as you dont. This is sad. I actually try to move forward and be on good terms but you do nothing but go in the opposite direction. There’s a reason i jave trust issues and you know every single one. And now you only add to them. You bail on everything. And only text me when you feel lile it. You say you want time at home but i know you hate being at home. So what are you actually doing. Who are you actually talking to. Dont be surprised that i feel this way. This is all of your doing. Instead of working things out you rather go out. Bail on me twice to only go out with your bestie. Do what you want. Go out. But dont tell me you want to be alone then go out. Bullshit. Fuck it. You want to make me leave you? You dont have the balls to do it yourself? How did i even get involved with such a person. String me along only to make me feel worthless in the end. I wish i didnt care.
IDC
Plain and simple. Do not care much for anything anymore.
If that’s what you want…
If you want to give up, then give up. If you need to focus on you, go right ahead. Im not going to stop you. My attitude has changed bc you continuously have something to say about the things i do. You dont say i love you first. Or why are you always on your phone? You have no reason to have an issue with anything i do. For the simple fact that you do the same things. Like i stated tonight you are far more shady than i am. But you dont trust me? Should i trust you? Should i trust that you are texting all the time? Should i trust that random guys come up and i get no introduction? But anytime anyone comes to me they know exactly who you are… My girlfriend. Im just your friend. So guys can sit here and hold convos with you and try to get with you. But the first time i hug a girl you think is attractive, im wrong. There’s some sort of problem. I dont hide anything from you not one bit. You know what im doing before i do it. I have no idea what you do at any given point unless i ask of course. So why am i the problem? Why am i the one that is hindering the growth of our relationship? Do as you please. Find the love that you want. Apparently im not giving it to you
Running
My mom asked me where you were tonight. It took everything in me not to break down. But i simply told her that your mother was unhappy with your choice in mates.
I could have any girl i want. A girl who’s parents are welcoming. A girl that things will come too easily with.
I dont want just any girl. I want a girl that is worth having. I want you. My heart beats with you. My eyes become emotional when our lips encounter. It is becoming harder to contain my feelings.
You feel as though i am distancing myslelf from you. But in fact i am closer than i have ever been. I feel you in my heart. When we touch my blood races. Fever comes over my body. This is so cliche. In a room full of ppl i only see you. I only want to be with you.
I find myself wanting to cry. I cant stop the thoughts. You can have a guy that your mother will approve of. You can live the life that everyone dreams of. Why would you want to be with me? Why should you want to be with me? What do i have to offer other than stares and whispers? Why would you choose me? I am like poison. Apparently im not good.
My heart hurts. It misses you. I miss you. What am i to do? What are we to do?
Just a few thoughts running through my head all night.
